Secret Sufferer
by a mountain of gideon's scones
Summary: Claire is a sufferer of an eating disorder, or even two. But she manages to hide this... nobody notices. What happens to her? Does she manage to get over it or not? Will she die? VERY sensitive material in this story, so be warned. Factual.
1. Chapter 1

_I wasn't going to write any Morganville stories for a week or so, as a time to relax __**and actually do some homework**__ but I had a meeting on Monday that really shocked me… it made me realise that these __**are**__ huge issues in the world about these diseases, so I __**had **__to write it now… screw history!_

_Although I've had about four hours of training on the subject, I am by __**no**__ means an expert, I just wish to bring these issues to light and how they can go by so unnoticed._

_I don't own anything._

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_**Claire's POV:**_

"Come on, CB, eat up," is what I hear most of the time from my best friend, Eve Rosser, at dinner. Approximately 95% of the time she is telling me to eat my food, rather than picking at it on the plate.

"I had a _really_ late lunch," I lie, as I usually do, and she smiles before shaking her head.

"CB, you need to stop having these late lunches when it's my turn to cook; when it's Shane's that's ok, since his chilli blows your brains out, but not mine!" she laughs and we all join in, but I don't feel like laughing on the inside.

It's been like this for me and food for the past three years. For three years, I have struggled with food, unable to stop myself from obsessing over the calorie content of even a lettuce leaf or thinking that if I eat it then I'll get fat. Nobody seems to notice because when I _do_ eat, I eat an absolute tonne… its called anorexia binge eating type, and I have suffered from it for three years.

It all began in school, when some girls (who were three years older than me) began to pick on me. They called me fat, insinuated that I was way too big for my age, made me feel worthless. So I took on board what they thought and began to only see the fat girl that I see today. My mum and dad realised that I was losing a dramatic amount of weight and took me to the GP, who told me that I was suffering from anorexia nervosa: it isn't a condition, it is a disease of the mind… my brain _does_ tell me, in a part, that I need to eat to be alive and healthy but the larger portion of it tells me that I am fat and I need to stop eating to loose the weight to make me look like the perfect girls…

Yet sometimes, the normal side of me won out, and I would binge and binge on food, eating sometimes enough for six people. I would wait till my parents had gone out and I would eat and eat, carbs, fatty foods, anything that made me feel better: the sugar rush helped me as the serotonin levels in my brain increased… until the high ended, and I had to begin the purge. I was sickened by what I had eaten, so I would force myself to be sick time and time again until I knew that every single morsel of the food was gone from my body. Then the starvation would begin again, and I would eat five cornflakes a day and drink a sherry glass of water…

So I began to lose more and more weight, until my BMI was less than fifteen and they decided that I didn't have a chance of getting better with just the therapy; I needed immediate emergency hospitalisation. So that's what happened to me. I went to hospital and was intravenously given potassium to fix my irregular heartbeat, and I began to eat because I didn't want to die. I was too clever for that; I knew my potential and I wanted to achieve it… but when I got into MIT, my mum said no. she said I had to stay local because I could relapse easier without her being close by – she may not be in Morganville, but it was easier for her to get here… so I agreed, feeling pleased that I was actually getting away from the situation that had made me be so ill.

For a short time, I seemed to be on the up again… just before I came to Morganville. When I came here, I realised that I still had the feelings inside of me, that I still thought I was a colossal monster compared to everyone else. Then when Monica Morrell began to pick on me that cemented it in my mind. There was a beautiful, _perfect_, person picking on me once again and I knew that it was because I was fat. Then when I moved in here and I saw how skinny and perfect Eve was, without even a single drop of effort, it made it worse… someone who wasn't traditionally pretty was so much better looking and skinnier than me, and she didn't even try whatsoever…

So the anorexia nervosa began once again. However, this time, it seemed harder… I _had_ to eat to appear normal. This meant that it sort of turned into a cross between the two – when possible I wouldn't eat, but if I had to, I would excuse myself from the meal as quickly as possible to go and be sick.

That's my plan now… as soon as I can, I'm going to go upstairs and make myself be sick because otherwise the food will make me fatter.

"Hello, CB?" Eve's hand is waving in front of my face and I realise, in the middle of my inner thought tracking, that she has been talking to me.

"Sorry… I was thinking about my homework," I manage to pull a smile that hides the already fast corrosion of my teeth from the excessive acid exposure caused by the sickness…

"Well, go off and do it then, but be back in like an hour for the film!" Eve says with a grin, taking my plate of barely touched food and handing it to a hungry looking Shane… I've been living here for three months now and I keep expecting him to ask me out (Eve seems to like Michael but he hasn't asked her out, since he thinks it is too hard for the whole ghost issue, and I know _I_ like Shane but I don't know if he likes me) but he doesn't… to be honest, with the whole issue I have with food, I don't have time for a relationship.

I smile and rush up the stairs, pulling out the diary I keep in my bag for the food I eat per day.

_Friday 1__st__ April_

_Breakfast_

_1 x coffee _

_Lunch_

_3 x grapes_

_Dinner_

_5 x glasses of water_

_3 x mouthfuls of pasta_

_½ x meatball_

So I've eaten too much today.

I sigh slightly, berating myself for eating so much, and stand up before heading to the bathroom. It's a good thing I drank so much at dinner; it means that it is easier for me to make myself be sick. So I slam the bathroom door shut and kneel by the toilet, thrusting my hand down my throat and catching my knuckles on my front teeth.

I gag and feel the food coming up, the acid cutting into the rawness of my throat, before I spit it into the toilet. I feel a sense of relief before doing the same thing over and over again until there isn't a remnant of my meal in my body…

I want to be better… but when nobody knows that you're ill, how do you get that help?

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_So, what did you think? I used all facts, I think._

_Please review and tell me if you want me to continue… this was like a setting the scene chapter…_

_Vicky xx_


	2. Chapter 2

_Chapter 2:_

_So thank you for the great reviews for this story! It's good to see that you like the writing but also know about the issue… again, I repeat, I am not an expert on this and never will be._

_**I don't own anything**_

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So life goes on. Life continues for the world, especially those who don't know. Life is perfectly easy for those who don't have a stupid disease telling them half the time that they're fat and need to stop eating to loose the weight. They don't have the voice niggling in the back of their mind that nobody will ever love you if you look the way that you do.

I dress in the baggiest clothes I own, noting how much baggier they are on me now. When Shane took me to that clothes shop in town, I deliberately got stuff that looked loose so that _if_ I relapsed (which, at the time, I didn't want) I wouldn't make it immediately obvious. No, I didn't want my new friends (and I still don't) to know that I, Claire Danvers, used to have an eating disorder.

Unfortunately, it came back.

As I explained before, it comes and goes. This is a good day – I recognise that I _do_ have a problem and that I need to eat. However, I know that I'll end up binge eating to make myself 'happy' before I come down and realise that I'm disgusting so therefore have to sick it up before then not eating anything tomorrow, as a punishment.

"CB, you ready yet?" Eve calls up to me, waiting for me to come so that she can drive me to school. I shake slightly as I think of school, think of all the perfect people there who can eat and drink whatever they want without putting on a gram of weight. If it wasn't for the fact that I _love_ school, I wouldn't go. Even when I was in the height of my disorder before, I never missed a day of school – it was my life and without it, the disease would have me entirely. Even in the darkest of days, I wasn't _entirely_ the disease's – only in the school holidays, was that the case. When I managed to sort myself out, I realised that I wanted to live in England – the _much_ shorter holidays would have given me much less time to loose so much weight.

"Nearly – give me a minute," I call back, just about managing to stop my shaking passing through in my voice. I pack my bag, slipping the food journal into my bag so that on the off hand one of my friends went through my stuff (or anyone else, for that matter) they wouldn't find it. They wouldn't find the struggles I have with food or anything of the sort.

With this packed away, I slip the backpack on my shoulder, wincing at how heavy it is; it seems so much heavier than it was at the beginning of the year.

_It's the extra papers in there that you have, the fuller notebooks and stuff_, I argue to myself as I walk down the stairs. Michael smiles at me as I pass, whilst Shane simply ignores him – he still is touchy about the whole turning into a vampire thing. I, for sure, wouldn't mind being a vampire right now – after all, they're all skinny. I have never seen a fat vampire and I know that Michael had to buy new clothes because his old ones were too big.

"I thought you'd died up there!" Eve exclaims, wrapping her arm around my shoulder. "I heard you get up earlier; did you already eat?" she confirms and I nod, lying through my… well, it isn't teeth because I'm not talking, so I guess it's through my head?

"Yeah, I had it before you _all_ got up!" I laugh slightly. Michael's head swivels to look at me and I guess that he is the most suspicious out of everyone – he can probably hear my empty stomach or something. I can just fob him off with some fast metabolism or something, end up getting really technical and stuff so that he doesn't question me anymore.

"Come on then, we need to go!" Eve sounds amazingly excited to get to her new job (at least it isn't with Oliver) and I smile, following her out the door quickly so that the weak sunlight doesn't catch Michael.

OoOo

"I think that little Claire has a slight problem with food, doesn't she?" Monica Morrell sneers at me as she looks at the book I slipped into my bag. _Shit_, I'd forgotten Monica and the Monickettes were after me and that they'd probably go through my stuff.

Thankfully, I've always been a good liar; I know exactly how to get around this one. It would probably fall through if she asked someone in my classes but I doubt that she could have the energy to do that.

"Oh Monica, you have to have heard of this thing called _homework_, you know, that helps you pass your exams to pass your degree?" I roll my eyes, as if this is such an obvious answer. "I have to compile a food diary that could be realistic for someone with anorexia nervosa. We have to choose something and I knew someone with it before, so I went for that, since I know so much on the subject. Now, if I can have that _back_, and you could be a _little_ kinder, since that person nearly died." Yes, I think I got away with that. She looks stunned and even a little sympathetic for the person who is actually really just me.

"I guess even I can't insult someone with that disease," she admits, which causes the Monickettes to gasp, so she sends them away. She leans in close to me – closer than I want a homicidal retard to be, if I'm honest – and actually looks genuine; however, this is Monica! How do I know if it isn't just acting? "See, I know someone as well. I'm not going to betray their identity and say who, but I'm not joking… I hope your friend got better. I know the way it affects the entire family. But if you say _anything_ about this, then you are dead!" she exclaims, reverting to usual Monica by the end.

"Let me guess, if anyone asks, you basically threatened me whilst you stood here, told me that you'd set my schoolbooks on fire as you danced around naked or something like that," I say sarcastically and she raises her eyebrows in shock.

"I never thought the dweeb would ever be able to come up with anything like that, good one," she snorts before shaking her head. "Something a little more realistic… my dad is mayor and I doubt that he'd be happy with my dancing naked. I just wanted you to do my homework."

"Which I shall _help_ you with, not do for you, for $100," I jump in cheekily and she looks shocked before agreeing, shaking my stubby and fat hand with her perfect and manicured one.

"Ciao, loser," she calls over her shoulder, leaving me to watch after her enviously, envious for her perfect body. Why did I have to be born into the ugly and fat body, not the supermodels? It's not fair.

Life isn't fair.

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_So, what did you think? _

_I have an idea for this story to go ahead; it __**sort**__ of follows the books, in a sense, but obviously the disease has the prominent thing… let's just say, I think the finale will be pretty much around the __**Carpe Corpus**__ mark…_

_Please review!_

_Vicky xx _


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3:**

**SORRY for the long update… I've (as you can tell) been writing a lot recently and I didn't want to take up the **_**entire**_** front page of fics – although I certainly have enough updates and oneshots to write to do that without a problem – so I held off on this story for a bit.**

**I don't own anything…**

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_Michael's POV – three months later:_

Something is up with Claire. She isn't the happy, innocent, open little girl she was when she moved into the house. I can't put my finger on it, but there is something different. She is more vulnerable, less like the cheeky teenager she was at first – she may have been shy, but I could see the strength and the independence. Now… now, all I can see is someone who is withdrawn and won't talk to her friends about it.

I have tried to talk with her. I have gotten Shane to talk to her, and Eve has more times than I can count. But she _still_ insists that she is fine, that there is nothing wrong with her. She insists she is normal and just herself – but I know that that _has_ to be a lie. This isn't her – I can tell that her schoolwork is suffering because she seems to always be doing something _other_ than that… well, suffering for Claire is probably great for everyone else but that isn't the point.

But she doesn't seem comfortable talking with me anymore, ever since I turned into a vampire. She doesn't want to talk to me, to spend time around me… but she doesn't want to do that with Eve or Shane either… I hope she will tell us soon, otherwise I think I'm going to have to talk to Amelie.

And that isn't something I particularly want to do.

_Claire's POV:_

Life has gradually been getting worse, but I think today is one of the light points in the dark sky. For the first time in god knows how long, I have been challenged. I signed with Amelie last month and so far hadn't been asked to do anything, which lead to boredom. But today… today, I was challenged by Myrnin. He is this vampire who is really quite crazy – but I think he is sick or something – and he tested my scientific knowledge. For the first time in who knows how long – forever, probably – every single thought of the disease I have, every thought of calorie counting and how fat I am, drifted out of my head. I just rose to the challenge he set, identifying different things and all my knowledge on Rb – it felt absolutely great!

It was a high, much higher than the binge gives me. And the thing is, I didn't come down whatsoever. Normally, it's painful to return to normal – I think of how much I have eaten and feel sick. Yet this time, I seemed almost like my old self (the person I was for a few years inbetween the disease) and was able to have a laugh. For months now, I have been slowly drawing away from Shane, Eve and Michael and they have been noticing – I don't know how many times I have been forced to hear whether or not I am ok. I have had to lie and pretend that I am absolutely fine, but I'm not sure just how much they believe me.

But I'm here now, reading these that Myrnin has given me and I just feel relaxed. I even ate more than half of my lunch and _haven't even counted the calories_!

I know that this isn't a fix – it's just a high that I am on, one which will cut out soon, but I just have something else to focus on right now. I have the knowledge that the vampires are dying and if I want to save Michael, I need to work on this cure for them all, with Myrnin.

"CB, are you coming for dinner?" Eve yells up the stairs, and I sigh, not wanting to leave the book halfway through. I don't feel hungry anymore… I just want to work. There isn't anything else that I want to do…

… oh, maybe this is the side effect of the work. If I _want_ to eat, I will do, but I don't want to now so I want to work and I have to go down…

So I plod down the stairs, not really wanting to head down but knowing that Michael is already getting suspicious. I've lost about a stone these past months, but I have been wearing baggier clothes and buying the same things but in a smaller size, so that they seem the same size. But he has been getting suspicious – he watches what I eat and doesn't seem to believe that I'm full when I stop eating.

"Mmm, lasagne," I lie about liking the food out, as the smell is actually making me feel sick. Michael looks at me with a smile but I look away, not wanting him to be able to look into my eyes and possibly see how I am lying. Also, since he turned into a vampire… it's been as if he can suddenly calculate how much my BMI is and how much weight I keep on losing… but I'm still majorly overweight.

When I look at myself compared to Eve, I want to be sick until there is nothing left inside of me: as then maybe I have a chance of being skinny like her. There is nothing in the world I want more than to be slim, to be able to feel as if I belong in this world.

_Michael's POV (short but necessary)_

I look at Claire as soon as she comes down the stairs; she's lost more weight in the last week or so. She looks so thin and frail… but I think she thinks that she is really fat.

I'm about to talk when my phone rings; Amelie. It's the woman my grandfather is in love with and is also my 'boss' and creator. Oh, and she is Claire's Protector: it's a good thing she doesn't want Claire's blood as if she did, I think Claire would die. But surely Amelie can see that there is something wrong with Claire? Shouldn't the contract alert Amelie to the fact that Claire is slowly dying?

I would have thought it would.

I excuse myself from the table and walk through into the living room before answering. "Amelie, what can I do for you?" I address her by her first name, since Claire does, but she doesn't seem to care.

"Have you noticed anything about Claire recently, about her weight and such?" she surprises me by asking; but isn't that what I have just been thinking about, how Amelie ought to know? That's quite spooky that she has rang just now with that question!

"Erm… I guess so," I reply, not wanting to say anything definitive incase they can hear me only metres away. "Could I come and see you tomorrow? I have some questions and worries," I ask her and she seems to contemplate this for a few moments.

"Certainly; you can be of great service here, Michael," she replies coolly, her voice sounding as if she has been stuck in a freezer for centuries; why Sam loves her is beyond me. "Goodnight. I shall see you in my office at 3pm tomorrow." She then hangs up, entirely without another word. Polite as always…

But if she helps Claire, then how can I say anything against her?

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**So, whatcha think?**

**I think the story won't be too long, tbh, as I don't have the time to write much anymore, but THE ENDING WILL WORK!**

**Please review!**

**Vicky xx**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4:**

**To the person who reminded me to update, thanks! (Can't remember your name, sorry)**

***what I said in chapter 2 about it ending around the Carpe Corpus mark… ignore that… it's ending sooner… sorry***

**I don't own anything!**

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_Claire's POV (quite a lot of time has elapsed):_

I feel faint. As in _really_ faint. As in, I don't think I can make it through the day. That's strange – even at the height of my illness before, I never had that. It's odd…

I stagger out of bed and pull on the first clothes to hand, clothes which feel like sacks on me – I accidentally bought the wrong size. I'm too fat still, and I need to cut down on how much I eat, but I need to get some coffee to make my head sort itself out. It's just because I'm tired that I am like this, not because of anything else… or I'm sick.

I walk slowly toward the door, wincing as my stomach sends pain waves reverberating through my body. I brace my body against the door frame before heading out into the hallway. But as soon as my foot hits the top step, I realise that this is a mistake.

I try desperately to cling onto the railing as I begin to fall down to my knees, my vision blurry. I can't make out any shapes at all, especially as I crash down on the top step, rolling down every single step (with the pointy edges) before coming to a halt at the bottom. I hear yells but they seem detached from my ears, my arms trying to protect my head desperately as I drift off… into the world of the unknown…

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_Michael's POV_:

"She is really, _really_ sick. I can tell from looking at her, Amelie. She is losing weight _so_ quickly, she is just… oh, I can't even explain it," I say, my head in my hands as I sit in one of the chairs in Amelie's office.

"As soon as she signed the contract, I could feel the spark in her dying," Amelie agrees with me, but I don't _want_ that. I want her to be able to say that even if it means forcing the food down her throat, she will do. I want her to do _anything _to make sure little Claire doesn't die. "But… when she is in the lab, working, I can feel it revitalising. She comes back to life, Michael, when she works. I just don't know how to capture that into her to make her be herself all the time… maybe… maybe we have to let her do what she wants, as who are we to stop her?" she cops out, making me stand up in fury.

"No," I hiss at her, not at all bothered that she could destroy me in a second. "Claire is my _friend_. _That_ is what gives me the right to be able to decide that she shouldn't…" I cut off as my phone rings, the special dialtone for Eve only. "Eve, what's up?"

"It's Claire!" she cries, and I instantly give my full attention to the call, as does Amelie. "She… she's collapsed! The ambulance has already taken her to the hospital and Shane went with her but… but I don't know what is wrong with her!" she ends up sobbing and my heart goes out to my girlfriend, who found the collapsed Claire on the floor.

"I'll be at the house in fifteen to pick you up," I promise her before hanging up the phone as Amelie did last night. Then I turn back to Amelie who seems frozen. "You… you should have felt that, if you are her Protector. But you didn't… or you did, and you didn't tell anyone. Screw you, Amelie," I snarl, rushing from the room and out of the building before she even moves a muscle.

That's speed.

I drive through the streets like a maniac, ignoring the one cop car that tries to pull me over, tires screeching as I pull to a halt outside of the house. Eve is already waiting for me, clambering into the passenger seat and slamming the door shut as I drive away.

We arrive at the hospital, parking in the underground car park, and zoom up the stairs to the reception.

"Claire Danvers, please," Eve says frantically to the woman on reception, who just doesn't seem to grasp the gravity of the situation. "Look, woman, she collapsed on the stairs and she's _really_ sick. so you can either sit there and tap your little machine there, or the girl who is Protected by the _Founder_ can have two visitors finding her without you telling us. Capeesh?" Eve explodes as she takes her time as to finding out where Claire is.

"Room 212," the receptionist says meekly, evidently also realising that I am a vampire and don't exactly like to be kept waiting when my friend could be dying!

We rush down the hall towards the room which she said – stupid cow if she lied to us – before coming to a halt as we realise the white coated doctor is just walking out of her room.

"Doctor!" I call out, walking right up to him. "You've just been with Claire Danvers, yes? We're her friends – we just got here. Is she ok?" I ask frenetically as he nods to answer my question.

"Come with me," he says, not answering the final question, simply motioning for us to follow him to the relative's room… where Shane is waiting.

"Is she ok?" he asks the doctor the exact same question I did. The doctor simply shuts the door and turns to face us with a grave expression.

"Claire is a very sick young girl, who has suffered from this disease for almost seven years now," he says – I _knew_ that she must have anorexia or something. But that isn't the thing I _want_ to be right about, no, I wish that I had been wrong and that she was a perfectly healthy girl. "She got herself on track for a couple of years but it seems that all the work went down the pan over the past few months… I am sorry to inform you, but she is suffering extreme renal failure. Nothing will bring her back… she has merely a week to live."

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**So what did you think?**

**Please review!**

**Idk really what to write next, so I may leave it after the next chapter...**

**Vicky xx**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5:**

**So, I have had **_**major**_** writer's block with this story. It's already up for adoption but I may finish the story if you guys want ME to do it? If you do, nlet me know.**

**I don't own anything and remember that I am NOT an expert, not whatsoever, so the majority of this later stuff is entirely fictional, based on a little knowledge I have.**

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_Claire's POV:_

My eyelids flutter open and I realise that I am back; no longer am I subject to the nightmares that the darkness brings with it, but I am back with my friends and in the world of the living. My friends are here, along with some other people who I can't really identify because, well, I can't really see that well. I can only see the things closest to me and even they are of flaky quality: Shane's look of surprise on his face as he sees me awake; Michael's evident worry for me; Eve's cries of something or other as she notices the small smile creeping onto my face as I see my friends.

I don't know how long I have been out. I could have been out a few hours, as I have been before, but also a few _weeks_, as I also have been before… it depends. All I know is that when I fell, it was the worst I have ever been, and even now I want to just drift off back into the darkness, this time for good.

"Claire, honey, you're back," Michael whispers as he takes my hand, moving even closer to the bed. As he does so, the figures behind him move closer as well and I recognise the small shape of Amelie as well as the tall and lanky figure of my boss who isn't exactly the most stable of people, Myrnin.

"What… what's going on?" I whisper, my throat feeling like sandpaper has been introduced to line it. I try and swallow but I can't, my body entirely dehydrated for some reason…

Michael nods to Shane to show that he is going to explain and I know instantly that it is bad. It has to be _really_ bad for them to be telling me, my friends, not my doctor. "Claire… the doctor told us what you have," he begins slowly, causing a wave of embarrassment to come over me. I deliberately never told them to make sure that I would have the friends I had always longed for without the incessant going on about whether or not I had eaten and if I 'felt ok'. "Honey… he said that you have renal failure and that you have five days to live, it will be now," he says quietly, his eyes shining with unshed tears.

Instantly, I feel wetness in my eyes and I realise I'm crying myself, along with Eve who is suddenly gripping my other hand. The two vampires remain motionless at the end of my bed until Myrnin suddenly moves forwards and seems to be trying to hold back the tears with Michael and Shane. Amelie doesn't move at all and doesn't even seem to be trying to hold in her emotion but I wouldn't expect anything less from her… yet she has a connection with me through the bracelet and I wonder whether or not she feels my getting weaker or whether or not she just detaches herself from it.

"I… I'm so sorry, I… I don't know-" I begin to apologise for dragging them all into this mess, for causing them to feel the heartache that I only wanted to spare them from.

"Don't apologise, Claire, or you'll set us all off," Michael says, turning his head to hide his eyes. As he moves further away, Amelie suddenly moves forwards and claims his place next to the bed, her grey eyes boring into my own. In this exchange, I can see that there is at least a _little_ feeling she has for me present, but also that she cannot lose me. It will be for purely selfish reasons, of course, but still, she wants me around.

"I would like to speak with you and Myrnin alone, if you wouldn't mind?" she leans forwards and breathes this into my ear and I nod slowly, still unable to grasp I have only five days left. Five days left to do everything I wanted to do in life… it's impossible now and it's all my own fault. For the first _proper_ time in my life, I realise that I have been sick and that I could have prevented this. There was absolutely nothing wrong with my weight and… and I wish that I had never done _any_ of this, never caused the heartbreak I have caused to so many people.

"Um… can I speak to Amelie and Myrnin alone please?" it hurts me even more to ask my friends, the ones who have been loyal to me for so long now, to leave me so that I can talk to _vampires_… but I have to. I have a feeling I know what she is going to offer me and I don't want it.

They nod slowly, walking out of the room in a dejected manner and wait just outside the door, desperate to be let back in. but I focus my attention on the blonde haired vampire sitting on my right now, her expression carefully neutral.

"Claire, I think you already know what I can offer you – I _need_ you still in Morganville and I want you to at least _contemplate_ immortality," she almost begs me to become a vampire, but I turn away from her, looking at Myrnin. I try to gauge as to whether or not he is part of this, if he needs me as much as Amelie proclaims he does or whether she is simply trying to alleviate some of her evident guilt at not identifying that there was something wrong with me.

I get the impression that he wouldn't need me as such but rather just miss me as a friend. It isn't as if _I_ could do something life changing like he can… I would just be a bit part to it.

Slowly, I shake my head and give Amelie a small smile. "Amelie… I'm sorry, but I can't face that," I whisper, my throat still hoarse and parched. "I couldn't have immortality to contemplate _why_ I needed to take that from you; how my own selfish actions almost destroyed the people I love in so many different ways. You don't need me, not really. Thank you for the offer, but no thank you," I continue, causing her to strangely give me a small smile and nod. Her hand reaches out to touch my shoulder gently and the physical contact simply seems soothing, rather than strange from Amelie.

"Child, you are extremely wise and I only regret that the circumstances are as they are in regards to you coming to my town; I could always use someone like you, little one," she whispers before nodding to Myrnin. "Well, we shall leave you with your friends. Goodbye, if I do not get a chance to see you again, and… good luck," she continues, her voice breaking on the last word. I glance at her expression and see her façade has fallen entirely.

She disappears suddenly and so I turn to Myrnin, who suddenly wraps me in a hug that seems _much_ too tight. But I don't question it, simply hug him back as he tells me, "you were the best assistant I ever had, little Claire, and I am not lying. I only wish you happiness wherever you end up," he continues and I end up crying even harder, realising that this is the last time I will ever see him. Never again will I be forced to listen to his psychobabble about alchemy or placate him if he is in one of his moods. I will _never_ be able to make fun of his dress sense again.

"Work hard for me, promise?" I reply and he nods before ripping himself from me and following Amelie out of the room. As soon as he is gone, my three friends return to the room, all their faces tear stained and unhappy.

"So, what do you want to do now?" I try and sound cheery but it is entirely fake and I know it shows.

"You look exhausted, go back to sleep," Michael whispers, acknowledging the way I feel. "We'll be here when you wake up, promise," he continues and I nod, letting my eyes shut. This time, the darkness doesn't feel painful… I simply dream of my friends as I remember the happy times we have shared.

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**Whatcha think?**

**Before you ask, she is NOT dead yet… **

**There is going to be one more chapter, unless someone adopts it and changes the story… anyway**

**Review fools, review!**

**Vicky xx**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6:**

**Final chapter! For Hanziii who, every time that I said I was going to write and what chapter should I write, chose this story… sorry this last one is so rubbish.**

**I don't own anything!**

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_Michael's POV:_

The last five days have been… I want to say something like 'perfect' but I can't because Claire has been dying… how can time be perfect when we've only been so close because of that fact? We're just spending time together, waiting for Claire to pass on and it is _so hard_ to know that this is going to end and we can do _nothing_ to stop it. We can do _nothing_ to stop her dying. It's just a ticking time bomb.

And it is going to detonate today.

I can't do anything to stop it. Eve can't do anything to stop it. Shane can't do anything to stop it. We're all helpless as we are going to watch our Claire, our friend, die before our eyes because none of us could be selfless enough to not have to obsess about our own lives for one fricking moment. We could have stopped this… but we didn't. We were too busy thinking about being a ghost (then a vampire) in my case, or being arrested with Shane… it doesn't matter what we were doing that we thought was more important than looking out for our friends.

"Mike, stop it!" Eve hisses, whacking me on the arm.

"Stop what?" I return to the present and the location – Claire's bedside.

"Stop staring off into the distance and blaming yourself for this!" she responds, making me realise that I _am_ doing this… what if Claire had woken up? I wouldn't have known and I would have let the side down. When we went home the other day, after we were told of her fate, we promised ourselves that she wouldn't see us sad. We would wait until after she has gone to be sad… we need to be happy and full of life when she's here so maybe, just maybe, she'll hang on longer. It probably won't happen but we need to be optimistic.

I'm about to respond when the girl in the bed begins to stir, looking as if she doesn't have long left. You can tell from just looking into someone's face how they feel, and the gaunt appearance Claire has shows just how weak she appears. I can smell the beginnings of death off of her – well, my vampire side can – yet I decide not to share this with the others… they can have a little longer having the optimism that she could be ok for another couple of days… I don't want to bear the bad news that she could be down to her last hour or so.

"Hey," she makes the effort to smile but it's too much for her, so she falls limply back onto her pillows. Eve instantly gets up to plump up her pillows at the same time as the girl in the bed hands her hands out to both Shane and myself. We both take it from her and smile, albeit fake in my case, and it feels almost skeletal.

She's near the end.

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_Claire's POV:_

I wake up from what I know is my last sleep alive, to be united with the one thing I never want to forget: my friends. I hope that they never forget me and that I, wherever I am, always remember the people who made my life perfect. These are the people who worked with me and accepted me even though I am so different to them; these are the people who let me live with them though I was a liability; these are the people who are here for me, even though I am being so selfish as to leave them without even a proper reason… just my utter lack of self belief and selfishness to have to leave this planet.

"So, what's your plans for today?" I hear myself asking but I don't really follow the words. I don't really listen to the answer either, just look at the faces of the people I love, have Eve running round after me.

Tears fill my eyes and I can't see until she wipes them away for me, since my hands are all tied up with Shane and Michael, my two best guy buddies… my only guy buddies, but that's besides the point.

Part of me feels as if it's time to go, but I can't. I can't leave them here yet, without me. I want to fight and to stay here and fight for every moment possible. I'm not going without a fight, a fight to the bitter end to make me stay with my friends.

"We're gonna have a party sometime, you know," I say, fighting to keep the tears back as well. I can't look any of them in the eyes so simply stare down at my bed, barely able to see my legs… that's what sets me off on a crying jag so bad that I can't stop. The fact that I am barely here in a physical form as _well_ as an emotional one is the thing that kills me. "I'm sorry, you guys, I'm so, _so_ sorry for putting you through this," I sob, barely able to squeeze the sentence out inbetween cries that rack my entire, pitiful body.

Shane instantly moves to hug me, his warmth passing through my skin to warm me slightly. But I know that I don't have long left now.

"Don't apologise for _anything_," Shane whispers in my ear. Him holding me close makes me be able to see what I _could_ have had if I hadn't had this disease: a relationship with him, marriage, kids, a job with Myrnin, happiness… a life. I could have had absolutely _everything_ I have ever dared dream of, but I can't.

He lets me go and puts me back on the bed, just as my eyes begin to close. Yet I fight every urge my body has to sleep forever in order to stay with my friends, to let them say their goodbyes. I'm leaving them to pick up the pieces after me: I can tell that they're not really as strong as they are, that they're leaving the heartache until after I'm gone… I don't want them to have to go through this, so I'm going to stay as long as possible.

"I love you all," I whisper, barely able to get my voice out. Things seem to be closing in on me and though I can see Michael's mouth moving, I can't hear the words that come out. Everything just seems to be getting blurry, not being in close enough focus for me to be able to see it, besides the three things right in front of me:

My friends.

"Claire, it's ok, you can let go," these words whispered in my ear by one of the three – I don't know which one – are the final things I hear. So I do as they ask, closing my eyes dutifully as I succumb to the eternal sleep within me.

I know that this is all my fault; if I hadn't had to have the disease, the obsession with food, I wouldn't be dying right now… but I wouldn't have met these awesome people, most likely, if I hadn't.

And that's what I have to be thankful for.

I feel myself receding into my body as my hands go limp. Abstractly, I realise there is a beeping noise to signify that my heart has stopped and I am 'flatlining'.

I drift away into a world where none of these worries matter, with only one thought in my head.

My friends…

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**Yeah, sorry about the length & the ending… I didn't know what to write and I didn't want to drag it out **_**way**_** long to make it unbelievable.**

**Review whilst you're here?**

**And read any of my other stuff? You know you want to!**

**Vicky xx **


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